We are used to thinking about emergency procedures. I am not a pilot, but I was in the Air Force, and I know that flying an airplane requires learning both normal and emergency procedures. Imagine someone showing up for flight training and, before asking how to fly the airplane, asking, “What do I do if we start to crash? How bad does it have to get before I can give up?” You would say, “You are starting with the wrong question.”

The emergency procedures tell you what to do when something has gone terribly wrong. They do not tell you what flying is supposed to be. In Mark 10, the Pharisees come to Jesus with what is essentially an emergency-procedure question about marriage: “When can I divorce her?” They are looking for a loophole, but Jesus gives them a Lordship answer.

That raises a question for all of us: Do I come to Jesus asking, “What can I get away with?” or do I come asking, “Lord, what do You want from me?” That distinction is especially important when we talk about marriage because Jesus does not begin with the ways marriage can break down. He begins with God’s good design.

Stop Looking for Loopholes

The Pharisees are testing Jesus. Their question is basically, “How far can I go before I have technically crossed the line?” There were different Jewish interpretations of Deuteronomy 24 concerning divorce. Some interpreted the grounds narrowly, while others interpreted them broadly enough to include relatively minor offenses. The Pharisees want Jesus to choose a side.

But Jesus refuses to play their game. He asks, “What did Moses command you?” They immediately point to the certificate of divorce Moses permitted. Jesus responds, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.”

There is the real problem: hard hearts. The Pharisees went to Moses looking for the emergency exit. Jesus takes them back to the Architect’s blueprint. Deuteronomy 24 regulated the consequences of divorce in a fallen world; it did not present divorce as God’s design. They had turned damage-control legislation into permission.

Jesus moves them from the question, “When am I allowed to divorce?” to the better question, “What did God create marriage to be?”

And we can do the same thing with Scripture. How often do we ask, “How close can I get to the line? How angry can I be before I sin? How little can I give? How many times do I have to forgive?” That is the question of a hard heart: “How close can I get without technically crossing the line?” When that becomes our approach to God’s Word, we are already thinking more like the Pharisees than followers of Jesus.

Surrender to God’s Good Design for Marriage

In verses 6–9, Jesus takes the conversation all the way back to creation. Before He allows them to focus on the brokenness of marriage, He puts the beauty of God’s design in front of them. He reminds them that God made humanity male and female and that a man and woman become one flesh.

Jesus describes marriage as something established by God, not merely an arrangement created by people. Biblical marriage is fundamentally a covenant, not simply a contract. A contract asks, “Under what conditions can this arrangement be terminated?” A covenant asks, “How can I remain faithful to what I promised before God?”

That is the collision happening in Mark 10. The Pharisees keep asking about the conditions for getting out. Jesus keeps talking about God’s purpose for staying in.

Then Jesus says, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Marriage ultimately belongs to God. The husband does not own it. The wife does not own it. God does. Your marriage is bigger than either spouse because it is a covenant established under the authority of the King.

And marriage matters because it points beyond itself to the gospel. When Paul teaches about marriage in Ephesians 5, he quotes the same Genesis passage Jesus is referencing and then says, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” Your marriage was designed to portray something about Jesus.

The way a husband and wife love, sacrifice, remain faithful, and forgive is meant to point beyond themselves. We remain committed because Jesus has been committed to us. We forgive because we have been forgiven at immeasurable cost.

So if you are single and desire marriage, do not merely look for someone who attracts you. Look for someone with whom you can build a Christ-centered covenant. If you are married, look to Jesus as your foundation, your example, your strength, and your aim.

Take Covenant Breaking Seriously

The disciples continue asking Jesus about divorce privately, and Jesus speaks with striking clarity about covenant faithfulness. He says that whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. Jesus is not treating marriage as a man’s possession. He makes clear that both husband and wife stand before God as morally responsible people who are accountable for covenant faithfulness.

This matters because a broken marriage may involve sin on both sides without both people carrying equal responsibility for the breaking of the covenant. Jesus sees the person who has been wronged. A spouse is not disposable property, and a marriage covenant cannot simply be discarded when it becomes inconvenient.

At the same time, Scripture recognizes that we live in a fallen world. Matthew records Jesus giving an exception concerning sexual immorality, and Paul addresses situations in which an unbelieving spouse abandons the believer. Those passages require careful biblical interpretation and pastoral wisdom. Jesus’ point in Mark 10, however, remains clear: the Pharisees came looking for the exceptions, while Jesus came reminding them of God’s design.

That means we should be very careful about using Scripture primarily to justify our desire to get out. If the only reason we come to Mark 10 is to find the exception that gives us permission to leave, Jesus’ warning about hardness of heart should make us stop and examine ourselves.

But I also want to say something clearly to anyone experiencing abuse. If you are being beaten, sexually abused, threatened, or your children are in danger, getting safe is not rebellion against Mark 10. Get safe. Call the proper authorities. Call the church and let people help you. Separation for protection is not the same thing as hard-heartedly discarding a spouse because you want someone else.

Some situations involving divorce, abandonment, abuse, and remarriage are extraordinarily difficult and cannot be reduced to one sentence. They require careful biblical counsel and individual pastoral care.

And if your marriage is hanging by a thread, please do not hear this as someone yelling from the shore, “Try harder.” If you are drowning, let us get in the water with you. You do not have to figure this out alone. We want to help you fight for your marriage, walk with you through counseling, and seek God’s wisdom together.

Look to the Faithfulness of Jesus

Ultimately, Mark 10 is not just about marriage. It is about the King and what He is like.

Remember where we started. The Pharisees wanted the emergency procedures: “When can I get out?” But Jesus kept taking them back to God’s good design.

Now remember where Jesus is going. The same Servant King calling people to covenant faithfulness is on His way to Jerusalem to demonstrate covenant faithfulness Himself.

We have been the unfaithful ones. We have hardened our hearts. We have rebelled. We have looked for loopholes. Yet when covenant faithfulness became unimaginably costly, Jesus did not abandon His bride. He did not look for an emergency exit. He gave Himself up.

The Bridegroom went all the way to the cross for His bride.

That is why marriage matters so much. Every time a Christian husband and wife sacrifice for one another, forgive because Christ has forgiven them, and choose to hold fast to Jesus and to one another, their marriage is preaching a gospel sermon to their children and to the world.

The perfect marriage does not exist. The perfect family does not exist. But the perfect Savior does.

So stop looking for the emergency exit. Stop asking, “What can I get away with?” Come to the King and ask the better question:

“Jesus, what do You want from me?”

Then surrender to His good design.